I have to admit when I first saw the front page of the Sun today with the “Jade Has Cancer” headline, I immediately thought “that’s bound to be PR cancer, not real cancer”. This thought suggests one of two really quite disturbing things.
Firstly, this means I am so deeply cynical that I am probably far beyond normal help. Abandon hope all ye who enter, is definitely scrawled on my bathroom door.
Secondly, the symbiotic tabloid reality phenomenon has hit a new low in a desperate attention seeking bid by Jade Goody and her publicist Max Clifford. Jade Goody apparently has had previous scares, and had undergone hospital tests earlier this month after her third cancer scare. It followed “four mystery collapses”.
Clearly these “collapses” common to many minor celebrities, girl band members, footballers and hangers on are what most of us would call being very drunk/benders/or “off your head”.
But in tabloid speak these are always called “collapses”. You know, as in “Sarah Harding collapsed last night outside the Met Bar”. Sarah is apparently now all okay. Phew.
Anyway, I digress, despite having these tests, Jade Goody still flew to India (who does that?) and went on the Indian version of Big Brother, partly to show she’s not a racist for her disgusting performance on last yearâ€™s Celebrity Big Brother.
She probably isn’t a racist in the way that many working class people are not racist, they are simply deeply, small “c” conservative. It’s called working class conservatism.
The flying, the stress, the cameras and the cancer and off she goes tottering along into her latest reality vortex. She has hardly been in the Indian version of Big Brother, called Big Boss, and she is called into the Diary Room and told she has cancer ushering her onto the front pages of the tabloids.
She is now flying home. “Jade had some tests recently, then she went off to India to appear in the Indian Big Brother,” Clifford said. “Yesterday we got a call from her consultant to say she had cancer of the cervix and so she has to come back straight away.”
Okay go on tell me I am beyond help. It’s okay really.
Didn’t that other fellow traveller, Kerry Katona, surely Jade Goody’s soul sister, have a similar thing? Doesn’t Max Clifford handle her PR as well?